IN PAIN

I have always felt very lonely....Since my childhood.....Always in a world of my own......But as days went on I did make two or three very good friends....And yet I feel lonely....For I live in a world of my own.......Unseen by and unknown to them......And I always thought that it was for the best.........

But now I am tired and exhausted.....Of keeping things from my best friends....And I really need to talk to someone...To tell them everything........Everything I ever wanted to say.........

But again, am scared.........what if confiding in the  only best friends I ever had in life resulted in me having to loose them....what if they shun me and leave me........would silence in their presence not be better than relief from the burden of secrecy at the expense of loosing them........

I am scared...Of life.....for what it hold for the likes of me......i want to talk to someone.....i want someone to understand..........my heart is on fire.....and it pains a lot......i want someone to console me......

but to whom can I talk to, if not my friends??????

My family???   Never......they would have me killed first and then pirified if I ever told them anything......My mom would be heart broken and my sister will be, as always of no help other than declaring , not for the first time and probably not for the last, how big a disappointment I was to my family and what Father would have said about it...........

And who else can I talk to....????? Only my friends.....but fear wins over me.....I keep dropping hints again n again...maybe they will pick up somethng and question me.....question me once please and i will blurt out everything..........

but for now...i remain silent to the world......and you are the only thng to whom I speak...n u r not even human...........

As days after days pass by, with me still not confiding in my friends, coz of my ultimate fear, the question remains--Will it ever get better???