Sometimes, thngs feel strange
What do u do when you realize that it is wrong
And yet you must keep on doing it?
What do u do when you know the edge of the cliff is near?
Do you keep on walking?
Maybe yes, Coz its a fantasy that we treasure,
A Dark fantasy, darker than what ever our faces show
And what ever our hearts want.
What do you do, when you know
That the plunge is deep and the fall steep?
Let go, maybe.

Final Thoughts???

Where do I go, Now that I have walked to the edge,

And the fall is steep below?

What do I do, when the only hope I have,

Is pills of drowse?

Whom do I tell, what I have done,

When I am ashamed to admit it myself?

Why do I still go on, when the escape button,

Is shining right next to me?

What do I do, when in life, 

All is lost and I know its better if it ends?

Maybe I finally let go.

IN PAIN

I have always felt very lonely....Since my childhood.....Always in a world of my own......But as days went on I did make two or three very good friends....And yet I feel lonely....For I live in a world of my own.......Unseen by and unknown to them......And I always thought that it was for the best.........

But now I am tired and exhausted.....Of keeping things from my best friends....And I really need to talk to someone...To tell them everything........Everything I ever wanted to say.........

But again, am scared.........what if confiding in the  only best friends I ever had in life resulted in me having to loose them....what if they shun me and leave me........would silence in their presence not be better than relief from the burden of secrecy at the expense of loosing them........

I am scared...Of life.....for what it hold for the likes of me......i want to talk to someone.....i want someone to understand..........my heart is on fire.....and it pains a lot......i want someone to console me......

but to whom can I talk to, if not my friends??????

My family???   Never......they would have me killed first and then pirified if I ever told them anything......My mom would be heart broken and my sister will be, as always of no help other than declaring , not for the first time and probably not for the last, how big a disappointment I was to my family and what Father would have said about it...........

And who else can I talk to....????? Only my friends.....but fear wins over me.....I keep dropping hints again n again...maybe they will pick up somethng and question me.....question me once please and i will blurt out everything..........

but for now...i remain silent to the world......and you are the only thng to whom I speak...n u r not even human...........

As days after days pass by, with me still not confiding in my friends, coz of my ultimate fear, the question remains--Will it ever get better???

That day I read few articles while doing few works for my sister. They were on human trafficking. It is hard to imagine that there are few people in this world who can use such helpless poor people for their own profit. This is how the general story goes. There is some natural calamity or some factory close down and these "people" come to these poor needy people saying they can get them either out of the affected area or get them a better job. Many kids are taken away like this. Then they are sold as cheap slaves in some new cities. Its completely inhuman. Gets my blood boiling. Who are we to "sell" another individual? I feel disgusted thinking of such people.


But, come again. How are we DIFFERENT from them. Of course we never sold any human. But all of us have this idea that we are superior. Many of us have heard people say, :Look, this is my dog." I ask, who gave us that right to OWN a dog. A man catches a helpless weak puppy and separates it from its family and mother. Then he comes to the market and sells it to us. We pay the money to the man (the man, not the DOG's family) and bring the dog home. And then tie it up by a collar and make it do stupid tricks (which it has to do just for food). How is this different. People may call me crazy for going nuts over such matters. "Its just a dog, dude. Chill." But its a dog today, an innocent child tomorrow. Its not a long step. If we REFUSE to feel and understand the feelings of an simple animal, it won't take us long to oversee those of a human for our profit.

And now I am confused

Okay. The last poem was inspiring. But The question is am I really ready for all this. Sometimes I feel its no big deal, but then again I feel what if it changes everything. Thats why I am writing this blog. To keep track of my feelings. I am under the greatest confusion of my life. I know its right, but will someone else ever understand?
But then again, I would never know if I never do it.  But so much is at stake. Roses and hills. All could go away in one go. I don't want this happen, but maybe I must take the risk. The sooner the better.
Lets see..

I was stupid

I try and try,
To change what is true,
And yet, it is the truth to which
I cling onto.
And now I think its time
Oh yes it is time, 
For the world to know,
What was under these eyes.
The moment has come,
To lift the veil,
And see what it hides.
The moment is here,
No more of this fear,
The truth be my power,
Even though it is no sweeter,
The moment is come,
When the real me comes forth,
I was always different,
I know why,
And now you shall know,
I do not care for the consequences,
What shall happen, must happen.
All I want is the lightness of heart,
To know that you know,
To know that I hide not what is true,
I hide not who I truly am.
The winter shall end and with the rise of spring,
The new sun shall reveal what was unseen.
Friends, trust is at test,
Hard though this be,
It is what must be.
I seek not sympathy,
Or forced understanding.
Just I want you to know.

Inscrutable

Look beyond what the eyes see,

And you may see me.

Hear what cannot be heard,

And maybe you will hear me.

Look inside you,
Deeper than you ever did;

Hopefully then you will understand me.

I am shrouded with mists unknown,

The night calls me,

Like a friend old.

You think you know me, 

And yet you don't.

You stare at me,

Ignoring the blankness of the eyes.

You talk to me,

Never taking notice,
Of the grief that the face hides.
You never knew,
When I drifted away,
Leaving behind my empty shell.
You never knew,
How your eyes deluded you.
It pains to know that,
You never knew.
But if you ever want to seek me,
Look beyond the blinding light,
And in the darkness,
You may see me.