And now I am confused

Okay. The last poem was inspiring. But The question is am I really ready for all this. Sometimes I feel its no big deal, but then again I feel what if it changes everything. Thats why I am writing this blog. To keep track of my feelings. I am under the greatest confusion of my life. I know its right, but will someone else ever understand?
But then again, I would never know if I never do it.  But so much is at stake. Roses and hills. All could go away in one go. I don't want this happen, but maybe I must take the risk. The sooner the better.
Lets see..

I was stupid

I try and try,
To change what is true,
And yet, it is the truth to which
I cling onto.
And now I think its time
Oh yes it is time, 
For the world to know,
What was under these eyes.
The moment has come,
To lift the veil,
And see what it hides.
The moment is here,
No more of this fear,
The truth be my power,
Even though it is no sweeter,
The moment is come,
When the real me comes forth,
I was always different,
I know why,
And now you shall know,
I do not care for the consequences,
What shall happen, must happen.
All I want is the lightness of heart,
To know that you know,
To know that I hide not what is true,
I hide not who I truly am.
The winter shall end and with the rise of spring,
The new sun shall reveal what was unseen.
Friends, trust is at test,
Hard though this be,
It is what must be.
I seek not sympathy,
Or forced understanding.
Just I want you to know.

Inscrutable

Look beyond what the eyes see,

And you may see me.

Hear what cannot be heard,

And maybe you will hear me.

Look inside you,
Deeper than you ever did;

Hopefully then you will understand me.

I am shrouded with mists unknown,

The night calls me,

Like a friend old.

You think you know me, 

And yet you don't.

You stare at me,

Ignoring the blankness of the eyes.

You talk to me,

Never taking notice,
Of the grief that the face hides.
You never knew,
When I drifted away,
Leaving behind my empty shell.
You never knew,
How your eyes deluded you.
It pains to know that,
You never knew.
But if you ever want to seek me,
Look beyond the blinding light,
And in the darkness,
You may see me.

The World Turned Upside Down

Our school witnessed the moment of the millennium yesterday - and I was not even present :(
Well this changes things, doesn't it? Four more months to go before this term ends. Before high school ends. A lot more can happen within these months. School is a changed place now. Don't know what new dreadful surprises will come forth.. Well we got to be careful now, for resistance will not be a really good idea these day. This means sulking back to the rules :P of the school. Whatever be the case, what happened yesterday will be a memorable thing, both in a positive and negative way. No one will forget it so easily. It will be the talk for months. Open defiance. The fire of upsurge. Something never imagined. But one thing is evident. The fire is not extinguished. The sparks live on. Even though I think she took it a little too far, but yet I salute her and her guts.

Dead with guilt

I am feeling so low today. Have a maths test tomorrow but don;t even feel like touching the book. It hurts us a lot when we realize that we have hurt a friend. And that's what I did today. Ruined almost everything. Not intentionally though. But did something very stupid. Idiotic. Curse of a big fat mouth. Just talked to her now. Of course she is sad and yet she says that she doesn't blame me and I should stop worrying, but how can you stop thinking when you know, despite what others say, you are the only one to blame. It was my stupidity that is causing all these troubles. How can i stay calm after knowing all these. And the guilt increase all the more when she tells me that I am not the one to be blamed.  :(  Dunno if I can forgive myself for this. Just hope that this friend of mine gets out of all the trouble that I put her in. And I got to do something with this mouth. A bad talking habit. Useless talking. Annoying talks. No more of these. :X

Aami na jaani kaake bhalo baashi

 The last few days have been really disturbing for me. Nothing turned out as I expected. And many things turned up that I never expected. I have realized today that few things have to change. A lot of things have to change.

Everybody is good at something. What am I good at? Sports? Performing arts? No. But I had a little hope that at least I was good in academic field. Now I have even lost that. These recent days have seen me sink so below my own expected level of excellence. Things must change for that. I must fasten my strides, for the road has gone far ahead. I must fasten my strides or else I will be left behind, helpless. This must change. After this term's result and the storm that will follow, I must start anew, with new goals and priorities. This time I cannot let myself fall so below.

Apart from the exams, lot more things are haunting me. The events of the last two years have started to interfere again.People do not forget easily, they say. Neither have I. But having to face everything all over again, to meet these people and talk of the things that happened two years ago again felt strange and scary. So I have finally decided that I will leave behind all these things and memories and move on at last. I will no longer dwell on what happened in the past. I think its time for me to take rest from it. To forget all that happened and all that could still happen. I feel that if I leave all this confusing emotion behind, then I can start everything fresh. It is finally time for me to change. To let go of what I had confined in my corners of heart. Adieu ghostly memories, Bienvenue the new Me.
                                              I am not a Robot

Our War For "Peace"

Don't you think
It's time to forget,
Time to let go,
To leave behind the fights,
That started long ago.?
Why do we fight,
Like witless children
Over ruined walls.?
Why have we closed
Our hearts to the endless cry,
Of beaten humanity.?
Why do we raze the lands,
Like monsters on loose.?
Why has our brothers' blood
Not moved our heart?
Why do we burn, in the fire of revenge,
Those who never wronged us?
Why do we fight each other
When none of us have a reason?
Peace? God? Why?
Why do we act like strangers,
When someone our own,
Pass by, drenched in blood,
Shed out of the baseless fury
That we have nurtured in our hearts
Like a sapling of burning vengeance?
Why do we hold the swords,
Stained with the blood of strangers.?
Don't you feel that after all these years,
It is finally time to forget,
To forgive and  let go,
And to start anew.
Please.